Feelings on losing over 100 pounds

I weighed in this morning at 198.4! A new all-time low for me and back in one-derland! Wahooo.... I really thought that the low carb peanut butter cookies may have messed me up some, but it turns out that it's all about eating the right kind of treats for me. Next time, I may up the amount of liquid splenda in the cookies because they could have been sweeter if you ask me. I froze some of the cookies for a special low carb Thanksgiving treat this year called Drumstick Treat. With liquid splenda, that is only five carbs per serving! Liquid splenda is on sale if you purchase the bigger bottles of it, which makes it very affordable, in terms of cost and the carb count (zero!)... We are doing Thanksgiving day here at my house, low carb style, but we will be indulging in plenty of yummy low carb goodness. Both me and the girlfriend have a sweet~tooth, so we always have lots of sweets around the house. Low-carb-style, of course!

My dad has a get-together post-Thanksgiving where all of us seven kids get together, so I'm having a planned deviation on that day. My goal is to eat a reasonable amount of food where I'm not going to have to nap or feel sick afterward. I'm going to see the whole spread and really pick and choose what I want, because last time I binged at the Chinese buffet, it really made me nauseous, sick and worthless. Those feelings make me not even want to go off~plan too much, which is actually a good thing.

I made a pan of brownies that need to stay in the fridge overnight, which will be hard to resist. I licked the beaters (and the bowl - don't judge me!) and the batter tastes like better-than-boxed mix! My sweetie is not much of a nut person, so I omitted them. I'm going to whip up either a chocolate frosting or a peanut butter frosting to go with them - the girlfriend's choice.

I'm in the throes of making some zucchini lasagna. I do think about food a lot, which I wonder if that will ever change. Obviously, nobody gets to over 300 lbs like I did without being obsessed with it... The only difference is that now, I feel like I have some control over it. Before, I literally felt like I had no choice but to eat copious amounts of food. I'm not sure what has changed, but I really give credit to cutting out foods that are too easy for me to binge on... (like pasta, bread, the like). For example, I never just made one sandwich. It was always two. Then I'd graze back into the kitchen to nosh on more crap, almost without even wanting to. Now, I never go back for seconds. I think it's because I'm getting enough nutrients in the foods that I eat (along with supplements) that my body is not always yelling, "feed me!"

I insist on having several low-carb options in the fridge, but it's more because when I'm hungry, I'm hungry and I don't want to necessarily have to wait a half an hour or an hour preparing the food before I'm able to eat. This has really helped me to stay on-plan. Plus, we never have non-low-carb food even in the house, which has been such a good decision. The other day, my girlfriend noticed that I had something Hershey's in the cart and she immediately questioned me about it. She got off my back once she noticed that they were sugar free.

Oct says that she doesn't think about food except on free day and I wonder if I will ever get to that point.

I also find myself cooking a lot because I feel like it's one of the few things that I can do around the house, being in a wheelchair. Every time I mention me being in a wheelchair, I feel like I need to remind everybody (myself mostly) that it's temporary. I really feel for the people who can't get out of their wheelchairs. That has been one thing that I really can empathize with people on. My highschool's health class made every student go around in a wheelchair for one day to see what it was like to be stuck in one and of course, everybody hated it, but I think it was a good exercise in empathy. Plus, I cook a lot because Angie (yes me and my gf have the same name) is always so appreciative of it and I've always loved to cook for friends and family.

Even when I have awesome-tasting food that is in the fridge and ready-to-nuke, I just don't go for it because I wait until I'm hungry. I don't always do this, but I'd say that 90% of the time, I'm successful with waiting for my body to tell me it's time to eat, versus a clock or me just wanting to eat. Even last night, I was in my office, doing some work on the computer, when my super-amazing gf came in with a freshly made waffle, just for me. I begged her to take it out, not because I didn't want it hot and fresh, but because I just wasn't hungry yet. I had just eaten two sausage patties within that hour, so my body was not even asking for food yet. There once was a point where I NEVER felt hunger pangs and I only quit eating when I was so full that it was painful. This is disgusting to me.

I also still find myself making fat jokes about myself, even though I'm only twenty-three pounds from goal. 23 more pounds and I will not even be in the "overweight" category according to those weight charts. I think I have always beat others to the punch with a fat joke and I really do identify with being big, even though I'm getting smaller all the time.

What about you all? Can you relate to any of this?

My Netrition Order - My orders are getting bigger but the shirt size?? Smaller!

My Netrition Order!!!

Qty Item ID Product Price Total
1 121-0001 Sugar Free Syrup, Almond, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 121-0004 Sugar Free Syrup, Caramel, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 121-0005 Sugar Free Syrup, Cherry, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 121-0008 Sugar Free Syrup, Coconut, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 121-0029 Sugar Free Syrup, Toasted Marshmallow, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 121-0034 Sugar Free Syrup, Peanut Butter, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 121-0047 Sugar Free Syrup, German Chocolate Cake, 750ml/25.4 fl oz $7.49 $7.49
1 230-0001 Almond Meal/Flour, 1 lb. $8.99 $8.99
1 40-0032 Thermal packaging (cold packs), varies $2.95 $2.95
1 42-0057 Designer Whey Protein, Chocolate Peanut Caramel, 2 lb. $19.99 $19.99
1 42-0210 Designer Whey Protein, French Vanilla, 2 lb. $19.99 $19.99
1 42-0370 Designer Whey Protein, Double Chocolate, 2 lb. $19.99 $19.99
1 518-0003 Sugar Free Preserves, Mountain Berry, 10 oz $4.99 $4.99
1 64-0011 FlexMax Glucosamine Chondroitin, 160 tablets $24.95 $24.95
1 89-0965 Endulge Candy Bars, Chocolate Coconut Bar, 5 bars $4.99 $4.99
1 89-0979 Endulge Candy Bars, Peanut Butter Cups, 5 packs $4.99 $4.99
1 89-0983 Advantage Bars, Caramel Chocolate Nut Roll, 5 bars $6.69 $6.69
1 40-0601 T-Shirt Eagle Design, Military Green, X-Large $0.00 $0.00
Subtotal $170.95
Shipping - UPS Ground $4.95
Total $175.90

Yep... that is my order from good ol' Netrition!!! I really do love that store. I have placed multiple orders from them and get this.... The last time I ordered from them..... I chose a black free t-shirt in the size of XXL. This one is a size XL!!!!

I have to say, I'm the Queen of Cheap and really, I love to buy most EVERYTHING on sale and locally, if I can... but anyway, I was out of almost ALL of my DaVinci syrup and I haven't had protein powder in the house in months... (WTF have I been thinking???) You probably notice from most of my menus that I try to keep my spending to a minimum... but no longer at the expense of my health! Just know that I do realize that throwing down $175 will leave dent in my bank account but is probably the best money I've spent all year long!

I don't usually have the Atkins bars around my house, but I used to buy them a long time ago.... and I decided what the heck.... I did what Linda Sue suggested and would cut it up into about 16 little slices and just have a few slices of those if the urge hits for a little something sweet... especially when in losing-weight mode.

Also, I'm going to try a new kind of Glucosamine with Chondroitin for my KOA.... The one I have now is Glucosamine Hydrochloride, not Glucosamine Sulfate... which apparently is a big difference.

I almost got on the scale this morning, but I forgot to before I ate... Shoot!

Hope everybody is having a wonderful weekend. Doggy is sad that we aren't going for a walk today because of the rain... I'm making some more oopsie rolls and I think hamburger gravy for dinner.... served over good ol' mashed cauliflower. I love that stuff and I'm actually convinced that you could probably serve this to an unsuspecting family and they would hardly realize the difference... if at all.

What's for supper at your house??

~Angie

Day 177 on the Low Carb Train

Day 177: Low Car

- Shepherd's pie with a little low carb ketchup
- Two hot dogs with low carb ketchup, mustard and diced onions on an oopsie roll
- Pumpkin bake with whipped cream
- Two burgers on oopsie rolls with hot pepper jack cheese, diced onions, tomato, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup

Day 169 Low Carb

Day 169 Low Carb Life

- Burger on an oopsie roll, deluxe
- Mixed veggies w/ a little cheese sauce
- Two hot dogs with diced onions, ketchup and mustard an on oopsie
- Spaghetti squash with Alfredo sauce and hot pepper jack cheese
- Low carb peanut butter fudge

Day 168 - When romaine lettuce is so sweet....

Day 168

- Grilled pork chop with BBQ sauce
- Spaghetti squash with Alfredo sauce and hot pepper jack cheese
- Big, fat burger on an oopsie roll with all the fixings
- Mixed veggies with butter
- Three thin sweet potato fries - not low carb, but I couldn't resist
- Low carb peanut butter fudge

At the restaurant, my sister in law's sweet potato fries were looking unbelievably good! She was not going to finish them, so finally, before the waitress took away her plate, I asked her if I could try one. I remember when I tried them before (at the same restaurant), they were only okay, so I had no idea why I wanted one so bad.

When I finally gave in, they were so SWEET and delicious! Of course, sweet potato fries are going to be sweet, but these were really sweet. I think that going without sugar has made my sweet-palette much more sensitive to sweetness. Before, when I tried them (in my days of eating the Standard American Diet [read: high-carb]), they were almost sweet in an annoying kind of way... like they weren't really sweet, if that makes sense.

I think I mentioned before, I crunched into a stalk of a piece of romaine lettuce and it tasted unbelievably sweet! This is the former Miss Little Debbie addict, finally enjoying the natural sweetness of natural things!

Have any of you noticed things tasting ultra-sweet and really being able to detect that now that you are sugar-free??

Day 163: No bread for me.... I'll take an oopsie!

Day 163 Low Carb

- Burger with all the fixin's with swiss cheese on an oopsie roll
- Some pizza made on an oopsie pizza crust
- Cheesy bread made on oopsie pizza crust with ranch dressing
- Zucchini flax muffin
- Low carb cheesecake w/ a tablespoon of natural peanut butter on the side
- Spaghetti squash covered in meat-mushroom marinara sauce and Parmesan cheese

Going to get back on board with eating cleaner. More meat...... more eggs.... more veggies.... The scale will go DOWN!

In good news... I've been exercising! I have my dad's hyper dog who is used to running daily while he rides his bike with her. She has been dragging me along for walks down the road. She insists on at least two walks per day, which is great for me. She is one enthusiastic work out buddy! I'm telling you, she will not let me skip a day and we usually go about a mile per walk.

Day 161 Low Carb

Day 161

- Just like velveeta casserole
- Oopsie roll with butter
- Two low carb zucchini flax muffins with caramel dip
- Double cheeseburger on an oopsie, deluxe style

Day 159: Emotional Eating

Day 159

- Oopsie french toast with Walden's sugar free pancake syrup and sausage patties
- BLT on an oopsie roll
- Meatloaf
- Cocoa roasted almonds
- Two SF fudgsicles
- Just like velveeta casserole

All day long, I wanted to order a pizza along with cheese sticks or go to the Chinese food buffet and just eat everything in sight. I was having fantasies about it. Sick, really. I think a small part of it is dehydration.... but I'd say that the lion's share of my hunger was because I was in the mood to do some emotional eating. You know, eat to cover your feelings sort of thing. I felt like a recovering alcoholic, dying to get drunk.... Knowing I could go to that place where I eat so much that nothing hurts at all.

The good thing is me noticing the emotional eating and allowing myself to do so, using low-carb alternatives. Of course, I could have had a better day, but I can't beat myself up about it too much knowing my history.

I have been thinking about putting this blog on the back burner, but really, I need the accountability and I need to track my food or else I eat way too much...

Day 156 Low Carb

Day 156 Low Carb

- Mashed cauliflower
- Meatloaf sandwich on an oopsie roll
- Pork and shrimp stir-fry
- Meatloaf sandwich on an oopsie roll
- Peanut butter cheesecake

Day 154 Low Carb

Day 154

- Pizza on oopsie pizza crust
- Cheesy bread on oopsie pizza crust
- Mashed cauliflower
- Hamburger with swiss cheese, tomato, onion, mustard and reduced sugar ketchup on an oopsie roll
- Low carb peanut butter cheesecake

Day 151 Low Carb

Day 151 Low Carb

- Two brats with onions, mustard and reduced sugar ketchup on oopsies
- White pizza on oopsie crust
- Pizza gondolas

Day 149 and doin' fine!

Day 149

- One egg, scrambled in butter
- Meatloaf sandwich with swiss on an oopsie roll
- 2 pc. fried fish with breading peeled off
- Meatloaf sandwich with swiss on an oopsie roll
- 1 tsp. natural chunky peanut butter

Low Carb - Day 148.... Still feeling great

Day 148 Low carb

- Meatloaf with reduced sugar ketchup
- Josie's spaghetti squash monterey
- Low carb New York cheesecake
- Ribeye (off the grill) with mashed cauliflower

Day 147 - In low carb mashed potato heaven!

Day 147

- Meatloaf with reduced sugar ketchup
- Josie's spaghetti squash - made with hot pepper jack cheese
- Mashed cauliflower, drowned in sausage/hamburger alfredo "gravy"

I really love the mashed cauliflower. I put in some Parmesan and chives and wow! When I ate a spoonful of them, they really tasted just like potatoes... not cauliflower. Crazy, huh?? These will definitely be a staple around here. Thanks for the tip, Harry!

Day 146 - Doing my high kicks

Day 146

- Two cheeseburgers with all the fixin's on oopsie rolls
- Meatloaf with reduced sugar Heinz ketchup
- Josie's spaghetti squash

More than anything lately, I've noticed how much energy I have. I swear eating low-carb gives me all this energy.... So, if you think you need to "carb up" to get energy.... you are crazy. Even at my highest weight, I've been able to do "high kicks" (kick my hands with my feet), but now I seem to do them all the time and like 15 in a row at least.... I know it sounds crazy... but I'm bursting at the seams with energy.

Before, when I was eating all kinds of carbs, I was lucky to get through the day without a nap or two.

Day 145 and Still Alive!

Day 145

- Burger on an oopsie roll with swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, mustard, mayo and reduced sugar ketchup
- Sausage patty
- Low carb pancakes with Walden's zero carb - zero calorie pancake syrup
- Alfredo meat sauce with mushrooms served over spaghetti squash

Day 144 - Low Carb

Day 144 Low Carb

- Nancy's chunky chicken vegetable soup
- Chicken salad with deluxe American cheese on an oopsie roll

Day 142

Day 142

- Two sausage patties
- Cheesy scrambled eggs
- Meatballs, fried chicken breast, kielbasa, green bean casserole and small scoop of chicken w/ dumplins**

**This was what I found at the post-funeral luncheon. I should have omitted the dumplins! My first cousin lost her battle with cancer at the young age of 42. She was a daughter, mother, neice, granddaughter and friend. RIP, Helen.

Day 141

Day 141 Low Carb

- Meat sauce (marinara) served over spaghetti squash
- 1/2 chicken salad sandwich on an oopsie roll

Day 140 Tips from a Spaghetti Squash Lover

Day 140

- Bratwurst on an oopsie roll with sauteed green peppers & onions, mustard and reduced sugar ketchup
- Swiss cheeseburger on an oopsie roll with romaine lettuce, tomato, purple onion, mayo, mustard and reduced sugar ketchup
- Low carb New York style cheesecake
- Meat sauce served over spaghetti squash noodles*

*I learned a little trick when I baked the spaghetti squash this time. Before, I was baking it a full hour, which were making the strands of squash more squash-like that noodle-like. This time, I only baked it for 45 mins at 350 degrees and it was soooo much better, texture-wise.

To bake spaghetti squash, wash it and cut it in half. Scoop out all the seeds inside. Place rind-side-up on a baking sheet and bake at 350 for 40-50 minutes. Let cool for 20 minutes and scoop out "noodles" with a fork. This is a fantastic pasta alternative. I even like them better than traditional noodles because they are kind of sweet and just awesome tasting. They are awesome with both tomato sauces and also Alfredo or other white sauces.

If the rind starts to get brown while baking , be sure to pull it because that means it's actually on the over-done side, so pull the pan!