Menu, wanting to binge and surgery update

- Sausage
- Two pieces of low carb pizza with mozzarella, ham, pepperoni, sausage, peppers and sugar-free marinara sauce
- 1.5 low carb pancakes with sugar free Aunt Jemima pancake syrup, two eggs over medium and
two sausage patties

Avoiding the scale

Haven't gotten on the scale in a while, and I've definitely been off-plan for many days. What really surprises me is how much eating flour and sugar makes my inflammation kick in in my knee. Moreso even than too much physical activity, eating that crap makes my one bad knee (the one with the malunion of the femur and tibia). Malunion is showing as being misspelled now on this editor.

The surgery

After my knock-knee correction surgery when I was 12, my left knee is the one that is more messed up and painful. My surgeon says it's 17 degrees difference from what it should be, which is causing all of the wear and tear in my knee. When he put a bar down my x-ray right down the middle of my hip where my knee should be, it was not even there! It was not just a little bit off-kilter, no, it was way off to the side! This was downright shocking to me. I mean, this surgery went on 17 years ago! Why have I not addressed this? This is what makes me have a one-inch leg length difference too... This very wrong angle on the knee. It has also caused arthritis in my knee, but only on the inner part. This surgery will shift my weight to my other side of my knee, giving me much relief (I'm hoping).

The first priority my surgeon has is pain relief... He is going to saw my femur bone in half completely and put in my own bone from my pelvis as a little wedge to give me back some more length in my leg and more importantly, to shift my weight to the other side of my leg.

Tentatively, this is all going to go down on August 23rd. The surgery scheduler told me that I'm one of their few five hour surgeries and that the doctor who will be assisting him is very top-notch with knees and hips. I do feel in good hands with the surgeons who will be operating on me.

My surgeon told me that I will have the normal risks associated with having my bone sawed in half... such as infection, blood clots (which do run in my family).

In good news, I got the girlfriend on the Hippa form already, so she will not have any problem with getting into the hospital room. We just need to make sure we get her a valid state license before then that has her correct address on it.... or just have her bring her current id along with a few copies of proof of residency? I just don't want it to be an issue. I have heard too many horror stories about people not being able to get in to see their loved one in their time of need because they did not have the paperwork filled out.

I'm scared as all get out of getting the surgery, but I'm hopeful and there are many advantages... including:

• I will experience pain relief! Which is good, because more and more of my day has been seemingly consumed by the painful, arthritic throbs, which is just not how I'm going to live my life.
• My left leg won't be quite as short anymore! Right now, I have a one-inch lift put on the bottom of my tennis shoes and a pair of boots and a pair of dress shoes, but since losing weight, none of them even fit that great anymore. I'm not in a hurry to go out and get new ones (with a sixty dollar lift) when I have this upcoming surgery.
  
• I have health insurance... Pretty good, too... especially for getting surgery. I'm on my last year (before I turn 30) of a young adult insurance plan. They really don't expect a 20-something to require major surgery, so they are pretty lax about it in the plan. But even if was going cost me 100 million dollars, I would still need to get it done as I cannot live with the pain any longer. I have a thousand dollar deductible. I will keep you guys posted on what it's going to cost me, just as a way to document the journey. The good news? Since I'm self-employed, as long as my medical bills add up to more than roughly 8% of my earnings, then I can write them off! They did last year with all of my chiro appointments included and I didn't even get surgery.
  
• My new apartment is near the hospital! It's only about 10 mins away, right off the highway from both sides.
  
• I trust my surgeon.... Dr. R is the shit. He makes me feel at ease when he talks about doing my knee and I really feel that he knows just what he is talking about.
  
• I have the support of my lovely gf. She is gonna be with me through this whole thing.

We are doing some rearranging of the basement tonight and I think the gf doing some scrubbing and I'm going to get down there more to exercise before this whole thing. I will do it at least five days a week. Something that involves my arms, so maybe a low-impact kick boxing dvd. I just want to be in prime and optimal health before surgery, so hello paleo/low carb eating and hello exercise plan! The exercise is more to get me to a good place physically before surgery. Staying on-plan will also make me feel more in control.

The Wanting to Binge

Two nights ago, I had a leftover burger in the fridge from a few days before, and it was so nasty! It literally went bad. What made me mad was how bad I wanted that damn bun. I was going to reward myself with it. I ate the brownie from the birthday-brownie to-go free dessert they gave me and I remembered just how unsatisfying food can be. It DOESN'T fill the void, it DOESN'T make me feel pretty, it DOESN'T make me feel loved, it DOESN'T make me feel worth it.... DOESN'T fix any of it! But I was mad at myself at how bad I wanted that burger. First, I was like, "I can go get a f@$@# burger if I want one" but I ended up just going to bed somewhat early that night, hating myself for wanting it so bad and just wanting to say fuck it and eat it anyway.