The gf's birthday is today

- Two brown-n-serve sausage patties with a low carb pancake with sugar-free syrup
- Two hot dogs with onions, mustard and low carb ketchup on an oopsie roll
- Too much food at the buffet, but most of it was relatively on-plan, which is saying something for me

My mom took us out for the gf's birthday and she chose Old Country Buffet. They had a slew of seemingly low carb fare, but it's tough to know what is really low carb and what is not. Aside from my dessert plate and the breaded butterfly shrimp, most of my options were right on-plan. However, I did eat way too much, which only left me feeling guilty, fat, gluttonous and worthless in many ways.

Eating off plan for me makes me feel worthless and I have no clue why. I suspect it has to do with the fact that in the past, I would over-eat the wrong foods because I kind of had this feeling like I knew I was worthless, so the two go hand-in-hand. For me, all I can really do is stay on plan because the feelings that I get when I deviate, even a planned deviation, are just too horrible and completely not worth it.

I'm not sure what tonight will bring, but we do have some Red Boxes.

The gf was nice enough to take her birthday cake to work for all the guys at the oil change place, which was exceedingly respectful to me. She totally understands that I can't have certain foods in the house and she is just too kind when it comes to that. I really appreciate her level of respect for my health journey. She is on one, too!

My mom brought over a size Large shirt for me, and while it fits okay, it's a little too big. Also, I have been noticing my shape really changing, which I love. I have more of an hourglass shape than I have ever had.

I still haven't been on the scale since surgery (August 23) when I weighed in at 219. However, I have been eating really good since surgery and my clothes tell me that I am losing weight. I really don't want to get on the scale and freak out because I'm getting too small, either. For me, getting smaller equals more vulnerable, which does scare me at times. However, I'm taking back my health and my power and I'm not letting the smaller clothes scare me. I choose to ROCK THEM instead.

The gf is also shrinking! Her muscles are more defined and she actually is into a size 38 in men's, which is her smallest size ever in her adult life. What a great 31st birthday present she is giving herself: the gift of health and more years with me!