They weren't at Christmas

When I think of my relatives who battled obesity, I'm overwhelmed by their courage, determination, and sheer love of life. My aunt (and my namesake) who I never met because she died two weeks after weight loss surgery at the age of 29... and uncle who had countless problems with the duodenal switch with a larger-than-life personality who lived decades longer than docs predicted and always made me smile and feel so loved.... and even my cousin, who had the lap band and later died of stomach cancer.... Sure, they were filled with pizazz, spunk, attitude and certainly they were loved by all...

but guess what? they are gone. They weren't at Christmas last I checked. It's a sad but true reality. And they even risked their very lives to live a normal life... without a fat suit. It just makes me so incredibly sad. Their extra pounds were going to cut their lives short, and they certainly acted on it. They did not sit idle.

This is not a blog against weight loss surgery. In fact, it's come a long way and it does help so many people stay out of an early coffin.... Would my relatives have chosen this if they were against it? Goodness, no. In fact, I worry that one day I will need to have some kind of drastic action like this taken.... I am not trying to paint that picture whatsoever. We all have to find our paths in this crazy world.

We can argue about whether Kevin Smith should have been required to buy an extra seat or whatever, but bottom line... if you are carrying around the extra weight like I am, you are cutting your life short... and to be honest, sometimes, that is kind of appealing to me.... the mad and sweet self destructiveness of it all... MUST be somehow alluring to me, based on the choices I have made.

I was just battling once again in my mind, about what to fuel myself with today. I do need to go to the ATM, and I find myself justifying a trip to the drive thru... which can turn into another trip, another day, another week, another month, another year lost to this extra nearly 100 pounds on me!

I can't do that anymore. One day snowballs into another.

Bottom line, I want to be here longer than that... I don't want my five brothers as my pall bearers, dropping my ass into a box 6 feet under... at least not prematurely!!! I want to be HERE!