Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Feelings on losing over 100 pounds

I weighed in this morning at 198.4! A new all-time low for me and back in one-derland! Wahooo.... I really thought that the low carb peanut butter cookies may have messed me up some, but it turns out that it's all about eating the right kind of treats for me. Next time, I may up the amount of liquid splenda in the cookies because they could have been sweeter if you ask me. I froze some of the cookies for a special low carb Thanksgiving treat this year called Drumstick Treat. With liquid splenda, that is only five carbs per serving! Liquid splenda is on sale if you purchase the bigger bottles of it, which makes it very affordable, in terms of cost and the carb count (zero!)... We are doing Thanksgiving day here at my house, low carb style, but we will be indulging in plenty of yummy low carb goodness. Both me and the girlfriend have a sweet~tooth, so we always have lots of sweets around the house. Low-carb-style, of course!

My dad has a get-together post-Thanksgiving where all of us seven kids get together, so I'm having a planned deviation on that day. My goal is to eat a reasonable amount of food where I'm not going to have to nap or feel sick afterward. I'm going to see the whole spread and really pick and choose what I want, because last time I binged at the Chinese buffet, it really made me nauseous, sick and worthless. Those feelings make me not even want to go off~plan too much, which is actually a good thing.

I made a pan of brownies that need to stay in the fridge overnight, which will be hard to resist. I licked the beaters (and the bowl - don't judge me!) and the batter tastes like better-than-boxed mix! My sweetie is not much of a nut person, so I omitted them. I'm going to whip up either a chocolate frosting or a peanut butter frosting to go with them - the girlfriend's choice.

I'm in the throes of making some zucchini lasagna. I do think about food a lot, which I wonder if that will ever change. Obviously, nobody gets to over 300 lbs like I did without being obsessed with it... The only difference is that now, I feel like I have some control over it. Before, I literally felt like I had no choice but to eat copious amounts of food. I'm not sure what has changed, but I really give credit to cutting out foods that are too easy for me to binge on... (like pasta, bread, the like). For example, I never just made one sandwich. It was always two. Then I'd graze back into the kitchen to nosh on more crap, almost without even wanting to. Now, I never go back for seconds. I think it's because I'm getting enough nutrients in the foods that I eat (along with supplements) that my body is not always yelling, "feed me!"

I insist on having several low-carb options in the fridge, but it's more because when I'm hungry, I'm hungry and I don't want to necessarily have to wait a half an hour or an hour preparing the food before I'm able to eat. This has really helped me to stay on-plan. Plus, we never have non-low-carb food even in the house, which has been such a good decision. The other day, my girlfriend noticed that I had something Hershey's in the cart and she immediately questioned me about it. She got off my back once she noticed that they were sugar free.

Oct says that she doesn't think about food except on free day and I wonder if I will ever get to that point.

I also find myself cooking a lot because I feel like it's one of the few things that I can do around the house, being in a wheelchair. Every time I mention me being in a wheelchair, I feel like I need to remind everybody (myself mostly) that it's temporary. I really feel for the people who can't get out of their wheelchairs. That has been one thing that I really can empathize with people on. My highschool's health class made every student go around in a wheelchair for one day to see what it was like to be stuck in one and of course, everybody hated it, but I think it was a good exercise in empathy. Plus, I cook a lot because Angie (yes me and my gf have the same name) is always so appreciative of it and I've always loved to cook for friends and family.

Even when I have awesome-tasting food that is in the fridge and ready-to-nuke, I just don't go for it because I wait until I'm hungry. I don't always do this, but I'd say that 90% of the time, I'm successful with waiting for my body to tell me it's time to eat, versus a clock or me just wanting to eat. Even last night, I was in my office, doing some work on the computer, when my super-amazing gf came in with a freshly made waffle, just for me. I begged her to take it out, not because I didn't want it hot and fresh, but because I just wasn't hungry yet. I had just eaten two sausage patties within that hour, so my body was not even asking for food yet. There once was a point where I NEVER felt hunger pangs and I only quit eating when I was so full that it was painful. This is disgusting to me.

I also still find myself making fat jokes about myself, even though I'm only twenty-three pounds from goal. 23 more pounds and I will not even be in the "overweight" category according to those weight charts. I think I have always beat others to the punch with a fat joke and I really do identify with being big, even though I'm getting smaller all the time.

What about you all? Can you relate to any of this?

1 comment:

  1. Congrats! It's so exciting for you to be so close to goal! I think it's healthy and normal to think about food lots when you are dieting. Until I started this restrictive thing I loved browsing recipes to see how I could substitute and make something low carb. It was fun. Sort of a puzzle and an accomplishment to make chicken pot pie with oopsies, or cookies with stevia or splenda and nut flours. I miss that. But for now I'll keep doing what I'm doing. I've been amazed at how my food thoughts are put aside for 6 days any more. I certainly think about freeday lots as it gets closer though.

    I know what you mean about the wheelchair. I decided to try to use one once a few years ago when I was having an especially bad MS flair-up. It made me so sad to think that could be my life. I'm thankful that I found a way to stop the MS from taking over. To this day am sensitive to the people who use wheelchairs and try to always look them in the eye and acknowledge them when they (or I) pass by rather than looking over their heads.