Monday, November 28, 2011

Low carb menu and taking back my power

- Turkey with Dottie's green bean casserole
- Deviled eggs
- 3.5 hot dogs on an oopsie roll with cheese, mayo, mustard and low carb ketchup
- Drumstick treat
- Turkey
- Low carb brownie with low carb chocolate frosting and sugar free chocolate chips on top

I went to my dad's house last night for Thanksgiving dinner, but we were later than everybody because it was my girlfriend's first day as an assistant manager. I'm so proud of her. She has only worked there for about thirteen weeks and she is already moving up the ladder. I'm not shocked because she works her butt off plus she is just a natural teacher and motivator. She is going to make the best assistant manager ever. I think that they say that the true mark of a man is how they treat the people below them.

To get on with it, I decided on the way there that I wasn't really in the mood to deviate from plan just for some food that had probably been sitting around, so I just had some turkey. I will save my planned deviation for our eight month anniversary when we are going out for the latest twilight movie. We brought along some low carb brownies and we even left them in the car. Don't judge me, lol. I took cock doggies as my passing dish. Last year, when I took a seven layer salad, I got called out by my stepmom's mom as to why didn't I bring the cock doggies too.

My little brother says the same thing when I see him every time, "Where are the cock doggies?" They are little cocktail sausages wrapped in 1/4 of a small butter milk biscuit. While they are not exactly low carb, they have less than three carbs each, which kind of shocked me when I calculated it out. I skipped them, which was kind of shocking, considering that I made a triple batch of them.

Today's plans are going to be fun. My girlfriend has the day off and she is hopefully going to whip up some of her famous low carb waffles, which I enjoy more than her low carb pancakes only because they don't contain any cheese and the pancakes contain both cream cheese and cottage cheese. We also have plans to decorate our Christmas tree together which is SO exciting because it's our first Christmas. Then, we are going to watch the Twilight movie and I want to help her get going at designing her first website for pet sitting and canine rehabilitation.

Last night, when my dad saw me, he said the cutest thing, "Wow, you look just like you looked when you were a little girl." I was the cutest little girl, too, before I started putting on weight. If you look at photos of me when I was four then when I was seven years old, I literally look like two different kids. I was molested during my kindergarten physical and then I just started packing on the pounds. Everybody blamed the divorce for me gaining weight, which I'm sure was part of it also, but not nearly as much as my pedophile doctor molesting me. I think of me losing weight as me taking back my power. I have known many people who have found it scary and unsafe to be attractive, so we put on a fat suit to guard us from being hurt, but really, it's no way to live and it will only put us in an early grave.

After my parents divorced, my dad would take us kids out and feeding us was pretty much the only thing that he knew how to do with us. He had good intentions, but it was not the healthiest thing in the world. One day, we ate so much that my brother did not even want McDonald's when my dad took us there after several other places. I ate a value meal and came home and puked up my shamrock shake. I knew it was because I ate so much that my little tummy just couldn't handle it. That is so disgusting now that I think of it... and sad.

Me taking back my health is no longer giving the power to the gross pedophile of a doctor who took advantage of me at the age of four. He no longer rules my body - I do.

It has taken me decades to realize this, because I would always say the same thing about the molestation, "At least it only happened once. Some people get molested for years and years and so mine really didn't effect me and I'm one of the lucky ones." LUCKY? No four year old is lucky for having been sexualized at such a young age and the shame that comes from that it just horrible.


  1. You're one of the strongest people that I know. And you are absolutely beautiful. But you aren't beautiful or strong because of your weight loss on this journey. You were beautiful and strong before the very first step.

    I love you, baby.

  2. You are cute now!
    And you treat people very well.
    And you are awesome!

  3. It's fun to see the old me appearing, so I can relate to that! You are doing wonders for yourself, diet, having the leg issues fixed, emotional stuff. I agree, you are awesome.

  4. I think getting healthy is just treating ourselves right..... Overeating and indulging in crap foods is just crappy..

    Thanks so much for the comments, mis amigas!

  5. You are so right. My overeating is comfort eating, but it is such a short term comfort! We deserve better.

    On a more mundane note, I wish we could get low carb ketchup in New Zealand!