Low carb menu and weigh in

- Cheesy turkey, mushroom, broccoli, cauliflower casserole topped with bacon
- Low carb brownies with low carb chocolate frosting
- Dottie's green bean casserole
- Three hot dogs with cheese and onions on an oopsie roll with mayo, mustard and low carb ketchup
- Cheesy turkey, mushroom, broccoli, cauliflower casserole with bacon on top

I weighed in at 200.8 this morning. Must have been all of the brownies I've been eating and I'm sure the Absolut vodka on Thanksgiving did not help, either. Plus, I've been eating extra food just because it was Thanksgiving week, which really makes no sense, but is somehow justified in my own mind. I'm ready to get back under 200 and to my goal weight of 175, darnit!

I go to the surgeon today and we will see what he says. I'm sure x-rays will be involved along with getting some good, low carb groceries.

Keep on keeping on, ya'll... That is my motto!

Low carb menu

- Two pieces of meatloaf with green bean casserole
- Two more pieces of meatloaf with low carb ketchup
- Turkey/broccoli/mushroom cheesy casserole with bacon on top
- Chef salad with ham, cheese, hard boiled egg, cucumbers and ranch

Low carb menu and taking back my power

- Turkey with Dottie's green bean casserole
- Deviled eggs
- 3.5 hot dogs on an oopsie roll with cheese, mayo, mustard and low carb ketchup
- Drumstick treat
- Turkey
- Low carb brownie with low carb chocolate frosting and sugar free chocolate chips on top

I went to my dad's house last night for Thanksgiving dinner, but we were later than everybody because it was my girlfriend's first day as an assistant manager. I'm so proud of her. She has only worked there for about thirteen weeks and she is already moving up the ladder. I'm not shocked because she works her butt off plus she is just a natural teacher and motivator. She is going to make the best assistant manager ever. I think that they say that the true mark of a man is how they treat the people below them.

To get on with it, I decided on the way there that I wasn't really in the mood to deviate from plan just for some food that had probably been sitting around, so I just had some turkey. I will save my planned deviation for our eight month anniversary when we are going out for the latest twilight movie. We brought along some low carb brownies and we even left them in the car. Don't judge me, lol. I took cock doggies as my passing dish. Last year, when I took a seven layer salad, I got called out by my stepmom's mom as to why didn't I bring the cock doggies too.

My little brother says the same thing when I see him every time, "Where are the cock doggies?" They are little cocktail sausages wrapped in 1/4 of a small butter milk biscuit. While they are not exactly low carb, they have less than three carbs each, which kind of shocked me when I calculated it out. I skipped them, which was kind of shocking, considering that I made a triple batch of them.

Today's plans are going to be fun. My girlfriend has the day off and she is hopefully going to whip up some of her famous low carb waffles, which I enjoy more than her low carb pancakes only because they don't contain any cheese and the pancakes contain both cream cheese and cottage cheese. We also have plans to decorate our Christmas tree together which is SO exciting because it's our first Christmas. Then, we are going to watch the Twilight movie and I want to help her get going at designing her first website for pet sitting and canine rehabilitation.

Last night, when my dad saw me, he said the cutest thing, "Wow, you look just like you looked when you were a little girl." I was the cutest little girl, too, before I started putting on weight. If you look at photos of me when I was four then when I was seven years old, I literally look like two different kids. I was molested during my kindergarten physical and then I just started packing on the pounds. Everybody blamed the divorce for me gaining weight, which I'm sure was part of it also, but not nearly as much as my pedophile doctor molesting me. I think of me losing weight as me taking back my power. I have known many people who have found it scary and unsafe to be attractive, so we put on a fat suit to guard us from being hurt, but really, it's no way to live and it will only put us in an early grave.

After my parents divorced, my dad would take us kids out and feeding us was pretty much the only thing that he knew how to do with us. He had good intentions, but it was not the healthiest thing in the world. One day, we ate so much that my brother did not even want McDonald's when my dad took us there after several other places. I ate a value meal and came home and puked up my shamrock shake. I knew it was because I ate so much that my little tummy just couldn't handle it. That is so disgusting now that I think of it... and sad.

Me taking back my health is no longer giving the power to the gross pedophile of a doctor who took advantage of me at the age of four. He no longer rules my body - I do.

It has taken me decades to realize this, because I would always say the same thing about the molestation, "At least it only happened once. Some people get molested for years and years and so mine really didn't effect me and I'm one of the lucky ones." LUCKY? No four year old is lucky for having been sexualized at such a young age and the shame that comes from that it just horrible.

Low carb menu

- Deviled eggs
- Meatloaf with deluxe american cheese and low carb ketchup with mashed cauliflower and gravy
- Two low carb brownies with home made low carb chocolate frosting
- Tossed salad with ham, cheese, cucumbers and hard boiled egg
- Meatloaf with low carb ketchup
- 1.5 hot dogs with low carb ketchup and mustard

Size 12 jeans

I ordered some 12 tall jeans from Old Navy and they freaking FIT me! I've gone from a size 26/28 to a size 12... I can't believe my jeans!

Before my knee surgery thirteen weeks ago, I was in a size 16, but now they are way too big, so I ordered a size 12, thinking I would need to lose some weight to get into them... I didn't want to order size 14 because I don't want to just need the next size so soon.... So I took a leap of faith and ordered some 12s and they fit me!

Wahooo!!!

Low carb menu

- Turkey with gravy
- Deviled eggs
- Drumstick treat
- Two sausages with two low carb pancakes with sugar free Mrs. Butterworth's syrup
- Deviled eggs
- Turkey

Low carb menu for Thanksgiving

- Half of a breadstick muffin with marinara sauce
- Low carb biscuits
- Gluten free brownie with chocolate frosting
- Chicken/sausage/mushroom casserole
- Turkey with gravy
- Mashed cauliflower with gravy
- Dottie's green bean casserole
- Drumstick treat

Wednesday's low carb menu

- Unpotato salad
- Meatloaf with low carb ketchup
- Breadstick muffin
- Tossed salad with ranch dressing

Low carb menu

- Two scrambled eggs with two sausage patties
- Tossed salad with ranch
- Two pieces of meatloaf with an oopsie roll with cheese, onions, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup
- Tossed salad with ranch
- A piece of meatloaf with a breadstick with marinara sauce

Low carb menu

- Three scrambled eggs with ham
- Unpotato salad
- Pork bbq with pork rinds
- Tossed salad with cucumbers, celery, hard boiled egg, cheese, tomato and bacon bits with ranch
- Meatloaf on half an oopsie roll with tomato, lettuce and mayo

Low carb menu

- Chicken stir-fry with chicken, yellow squash, onions, cabbage and broccoli with korean marinade
- Pizza hut breadstick muffin with marinara sauce
- BBQ pork rinds
- Open face pork bbq on an oopsie roll with deluxe American cheese and diced onions
- Unpotato salad

Low carb menu

- Pork bbq with a piece of deluxe American cheese
- Pork bbq with pork rinds
- Low carb brownie with low carb choc frosting
- Unpotato salad
- Half pound cheese burger on an oopsie roll with onions, tomato, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup

Low carb menu

- Pork bbq with home made bbq sauce
- Two chicken legs
- Sausage patty with three low carb pancakes
- Unpotato salad
- Breadstick muffin made with coconut flour and natural marinara sauce

Low carb menu

- Three scrambled eggs with ham
- Just like velveeta rotel main dish
- Taco bake with salsa and sour cream
- Low carb brownie with low carb chocolate frosting
- A rotisserie chicken leg and wing

Low carb menu

- Just like Velveeta Rotel main dish
- Two low carb brownies with low carb chocolate frosting
- One and a half pizza hut muffins with natural marinara sauce
- Taco bake with natural salsa and sour cream

Low carb menu and local sourcing

- Three scrambled eggs with ham
- Half pound cheese burger patty with onions, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup
- Low carb brownie with low carb frosting
- Taco bake with salsa and sour cream

You know your eggs are free range when you drive up and the chickens scurry around! The Amish family that we get our eggs from are SO sweet and they seem to pop out another kid each year. They are just so appreciative of our business and we can feel good about getting our eggs from a good source. Plus, they are cheap and they just taste better.

We need to get some good, grass fed beef next.

Low carb menu

- Just like velveeta main dish
- Low carb brownie with low carb peanut butter frosting
- Half pound burger patty with onions, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup
- Ring bologna slices with swiss and cheddar chunks
- Low carb meatloaf with cheesy broccoli and cauliflower

My girlfriend and I went to the chiropractor yesterday and Daisy (the English setter) got her stitches removed from her hind leg. She had a suspicious-looking mass removed last week and the vet said that if it were him, he would not even bother to send it to the lab because it looked fine. He is a very well-respected vet, so I listened to his advice. He really is just so reasonably priced and also very good with animals. Some people drive up to three hours each way just to see him and I travel about three hours round-trip to see him because he is that good.

My mom lives nearby the vet, so she made us dinner while Angie finished plasticing her windows. I was so appreciative that she took the time to make us low carb fare. I don't expect people to cater to my lifestyle, as it's my lifestyle choice and not theirs, but it was sooo good and much appreciated. She even says that she has been low carbing, too! We took her over some zucchini lasagna and low carb brownies last week that she has been enjoying.

Low carb menu

- Half pound cheese burger patty with onions and tomato
- Taco bake with salsa and sour cream
- Two sausage patties with a low carb waffle and sugar free syrup
- Unpotato salad
- Half pound cheese burger on an oopsie roll with onions, tomato, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup

I made the taco bake with two pounds of ground beef instead of just one. I also doubled the amount of taco seasoning that it called for. It's a winner for sure!

Low carb menu

- Two sausage patties
- Quarter pound hamburger patty with two hot dogs and a tomato slice
- Half pound burger on an oopsie with tomato and onion
- Unpotato salad
- A few bites of natural peanut butter

Low carb menu

- Half pound hamburger on an oopsie with unpotato salad
- Low carb brownie with pb frosting
- Cheesy squash with two hot dogs with onions, mustard and low carb ketchup
- Cucumbers with ranch dressing
- Unpotato salad
- Brownie with pb frosting

Low carb menu and not eating my feelings

- Waffle with one sausage patty with sugar free syrup
- Unpotato salad
- Half pound burger on an oopsie roll with tomato, onion, mustard, mayo and low carb ketchup
- Cheesy spaghetti squash casserole
- Brownie with low carb frosting

When I used to be upset, pissed off, mad at the world, feeling sorry for myself, whatever... I would medicate myself with food. Food is not a very suitable medication for me... So last night, when I wanted to binge, I got out my journal and wrote, wrote, wrote until I felt like all of my feelings were on paper. It felt good to give a voice to the feelings, if nothing else. It felt good to honor how I felt and take care of myself a little bit, by giving my feelings a place to go instead of just stuffing them down. Over-indulging when I really just feel sad never really helps anyway until I just want to eat more, more more and just end up fall asleep anyway. I ended up going to bed early anyway and I'm sure it took me longer to get to sleep than it would have if I binged, but I laid there with my feelings and just felt them until sleep finally carried me away. I think exercising, cleaning and the like would also be a good way of distracting myself from my feelings, but it was nice to give them a voice for once.

I had a dream that I binged last night. It was a pretty horrible dream. I was eating some kind of junk food and I was like a pig in shit, just loving it way too much. It was very odd and I hated the way I felt after binging in the dream.

Easy low carb peanut butter frosting

Easiest, Yummiest Frosting EVER!

- 4 tablespoons natural peanut butter
- 8 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
- 8 teaspoons splenda
- 1 tablespoon sugar free maple syrup (like an over the counter pancake syrup)

So, I actually got the idea from this recipe from Linda Sue's magic peanut butter pudding recipe, so I must give the low carb genius Linda credit here.

I whipped up this recipe because I was in need of a sweet frosting for my coconut flour brownies. I wanted to frost them because my girlfriend does not like nuts, so I left them out. Where I'm from, brownies require either nuts or a good frosting, so the latter was in order.

Now, I'm not lying when I tell you that this is the most satisfying, fudgiest dessert that I have ever indulged in in all of my twenty-nine years on this planet. The best news? It's freaking LOW CARB. This was the first recipe that I have ever made using coconut flour and I'm still in low carb bliss. You can pick up these babies with your hands, but they are really best when you use a fork. The only problem that I foresee? No dessert will EVER be as good as this one. It's kind of like when you have had the best pizza in the world... No pizza will ever stand up to it, so it kind of makes all other pizza less-than-spectacular in your own mind.

Low carb menu

- Chicken sausage mushroom casserole
- More casserole
- Waffle with sugar free syrup
- More casserole
- Unpotato salad

Feelings on losing over 100 pounds

I weighed in this morning at 198.4! A new all-time low for me and back in one-derland! Wahooo.... I really thought that the low carb peanut butter cookies may have messed me up some, but it turns out that it's all about eating the right kind of treats for me. Next time, I may up the amount of liquid splenda in the cookies because they could have been sweeter if you ask me. I froze some of the cookies for a special low carb Thanksgiving treat this year called Drumstick Treat. With liquid splenda, that is only five carbs per serving! Liquid splenda is on sale if you purchase the bigger bottles of it, which makes it very affordable, in terms of cost and the carb count (zero!)... We are doing Thanksgiving day here at my house, low carb style, but we will be indulging in plenty of yummy low carb goodness. Both me and the girlfriend have a sweet~tooth, so we always have lots of sweets around the house. Low-carb-style, of course!

My dad has a get-together post-Thanksgiving where all of us seven kids get together, so I'm having a planned deviation on that day. My goal is to eat a reasonable amount of food where I'm not going to have to nap or feel sick afterward. I'm going to see the whole spread and really pick and choose what I want, because last time I binged at the Chinese buffet, it really made me nauseous, sick and worthless. Those feelings make me not even want to go off~plan too much, which is actually a good thing.

I made a pan of brownies that need to stay in the fridge overnight, which will be hard to resist. I licked the beaters (and the bowl - don't judge me!) and the batter tastes like better-than-boxed mix! My sweetie is not much of a nut person, so I omitted them. I'm going to whip up either a chocolate frosting or a peanut butter frosting to go with them - the girlfriend's choice.

I'm in the throes of making some zucchini lasagna. I do think about food a lot, which I wonder if that will ever change. Obviously, nobody gets to over 300 lbs like I did without being obsessed with it... The only difference is that now, I feel like I have some control over it. Before, I literally felt like I had no choice but to eat copious amounts of food. I'm not sure what has changed, but I really give credit to cutting out foods that are too easy for me to binge on... (like pasta, bread, the like). For example, I never just made one sandwich. It was always two. Then I'd graze back into the kitchen to nosh on more crap, almost without even wanting to. Now, I never go back for seconds. I think it's because I'm getting enough nutrients in the foods that I eat (along with supplements) that my body is not always yelling, "feed me!"

I insist on having several low-carb options in the fridge, but it's more because when I'm hungry, I'm hungry and I don't want to necessarily have to wait a half an hour or an hour preparing the food before I'm able to eat. This has really helped me to stay on-plan. Plus, we never have non-low-carb food even in the house, which has been such a good decision. The other day, my girlfriend noticed that I had something Hershey's in the cart and she immediately questioned me about it. She got off my back once she noticed that they were sugar free.

Oct says that she doesn't think about food except on free day and I wonder if I will ever get to that point.

I also find myself cooking a lot because I feel like it's one of the few things that I can do around the house, being in a wheelchair. Every time I mention me being in a wheelchair, I feel like I need to remind everybody (myself mostly) that it's temporary. I really feel for the people who can't get out of their wheelchairs. That has been one thing that I really can empathize with people on. My highschool's health class made every student go around in a wheelchair for one day to see what it was like to be stuck in one and of course, everybody hated it, but I think it was a good exercise in empathy. Plus, I cook a lot because Angie (yes me and my gf have the same name) is always so appreciative of it and I've always loved to cook for friends and family.

Even when I have awesome-tasting food that is in the fridge and ready-to-nuke, I just don't go for it because I wait until I'm hungry. I don't always do this, but I'd say that 90% of the time, I'm successful with waiting for my body to tell me it's time to eat, versus a clock or me just wanting to eat. Even last night, I was in my office, doing some work on the computer, when my super-amazing gf came in with a freshly made waffle, just for me. I begged her to take it out, not because I didn't want it hot and fresh, but because I just wasn't hungry yet. I had just eaten two sausage patties within that hour, so my body was not even asking for food yet. There once was a point where I NEVER felt hunger pangs and I only quit eating when I was so full that it was painful. This is disgusting to me.

I also still find myself making fat jokes about myself, even though I'm only twenty-three pounds from goal. 23 more pounds and I will not even be in the "overweight" category according to those weight charts. I think I have always beat others to the punch with a fat joke and I really do identify with being big, even though I'm getting smaller all the time.

What about you all? Can you relate to any of this?

Low carb menu

- Chicken sausage mushroom casserole
- More chicken sausage mushroom casserole (omg this is so good)
- Two sausage patties with sugar free syrup
- Two peanut butter cookies
- Half a waffle with sugar free syrup

This casserole is amazing. My girlfriend and I agree that it's freaking amazing. She loves sausage and mushrooms, so it's no shock that we both love it. It really does taste like stuffing. Instead of only adding one stalk of celery, I added three stalks.

She made waffles after she worked all day (and even did the dishes - how lucky am I???) and they are too good. I can't believe that waffles come out of the ingredients she uses. Low carb cooking never ceases to amaze me - that is for sure.

Low carb menu

- Two sausages with 3/4 of a waffle with sugar free syrup
- Pork bbq on an oopsie roll
- Small piece of tri-tip
- Ham, broccoli, cauliflower cheesy casserole
- Two peanut butter cookies
- A piece of zucchini pizza
- Two deviled eggs

Low carb menu

- Two pieces of zucchini pizza
- Unpotato salad
- A tablespoon of natural peanut butter
- Five small peanut butter cookies
- Three deviled eggs
- Three hot dogs on an oopsie roll with onions, mustard and mayo

Low carb menu

- Two sausage patties with a waffle with sugar free syrup
- Unpotato salad
- Half a chicken breast with half an oopsie with honey mustard and a tomato slice
- Carbquik cheddar bay biscuit
- Chicken breast with honey mustard
- Pork rinds dipped in french onion dip

Low carb menu

- Two sausage patties
- Unpotato salad
- 1.5 waffles with sugar free syrup
- Chicken sandwich with mayo, tomato and honey mustard on an oopsie roll with unpotato salad
- A few bbq pork rinds

These waffles are SO good! They remind me a bit of John Kerry, but they are sooo good! My gf can COOK!

Does obesity cause genu valgum [knock knees]?

The doctor's appointment went well! I'm now walking around... kind of. I'm not officially weight bearing YET, but he did say to start putting some pressure on it, but keep the majority of my weight on my walker when I step. He said to put about sixty pounds of pressure on my knee when I walk, which is kind of hard to gauge because I'm around 200 pounds now, but I'm just putting a little bit of pressure on there and so far, no pain! I'm like a little kid, excited to be walking around for the first time in ten weeks! It's nothing short of a miracle, what my surgeon was able to do for me. My open wedge osteotomy has really changed my life.

In the past, I always had this idea that my knock knees were due to me being a really overweight child. I have even wrote on this blog that my obesity caused this, and it really didn't. My girlfriend and I were disagreeing about this very thing. She said it was genetic, but I just knew that it had to do with my being so heavy. Now, I had seen heavier people than me NOT have it, but I just figured that I was so fat from such a young age that it was almost like my poor legs could not support my weight... almost like a prison that I did the crime for. Also, my knock knee correction surgeon from before actually made my knee more deformed, so I was petrified of surgery in the first place.

To get on with it, I asked my surgeon if it was due to my weight and he said a flat out, "completely unrelated." He is a straight shooter, so I know he would have been honest with me if it did cause knock knees. On wikipedia, it says that obesity DOES cause it, but I think that my surgeon who has been doing these surgeries for twenty years is a more reliable source than wiki.

So, why the heck does this matter anyway? Well, I lived with a deformity in my left knee for 17 long years (from the time I was 12 to 29 now), and I kind of felt like I deserved it for doing so much eating.... like it was some sort of weird self-inflicted punishment. Turns out, it's congenital, which means that it is something that I was born with... but the good news is that it can be corrected and I don't deserve a life of pain, after all.

It's my hope that others will find this entry if they, too, wonder if they caused their own form of knock knees... In two words, heck no!

Low carb menu:
- Two sausage patties and two eggs, fried in butter
- Two pieces of zucchini pizza with sausage, ham, pepperoni, mushrooms, peppers, mozzarella and marinara sauce with unpotato salad
- Ham and cheesy casserole with green onions, broccoli and cauliflower
- Half of a chicken breast, breaded in parm and dipped in low carb honey mustard with half an oopsie roll and two small tomato slices
- Carbquik cheddar bay biscuit

I made the last three items on the list as a special seven-month anniversary with me and my girlfriend. I don't ever remember being happier. I do have to take responsibility for my own happiness, but it helps having an amazing person to live your life with, if you ask me. The cheddar bay biscuits are amazing! They do include Carbquik, which is a carbalose flour, so I do not want to make them part of my daily or even weekly plan, but every once in a while, on a special occasion, they are certainly a welcomed treat. They really do taste like the biscuits from Red Lobster, so if you like those, you are going to LOVE these. I got eleven big biscuits out of the batch.

Low carb menu

- Zucchini pizza with all the fixins
- Four deviled eggs
- Two jerky sticks
- Two pieces of zucchini pizza with unpotato salad
- Two sausages with a low carb waffle with sugar free syrup

Low carb menu, doctor's appointment, weigh-in

- Sloppy joe meat with pork rinds
- Two slices of pumpkin bake
- Unpotato salad

Nancy's un~potato salad is seriously so amazing. I'm very picky about my deli salads and I usually do not like any kind of store-bought mac or potato salad. They just taste so unappealing. Nancy's recipe is a winner from the first bite! I especially love that it calls for green onions instead of regular ones because my girlfriend can't really get into raw onions and green ones are much more mild. I didn't realize what a big difference the green onions made in the recipe until I made it yesterday without them. We needed coffee anyway, so good thing that she was willing to go to the store last night after her behavior counseling session for her boss' new puppy. She went to work, donated plasma, helped me with my work, went to the dog training session (which she did pro-bono) then went to the store, came home and took short nap then took us all out for a pack walk (the two dogs and me)... all while being sick! I hope that she can rest up today because she does have the day off due to my appointment with the surgeon. I really can't wait until I can start contributing more with the care of the dogs and the housework. She doesn't complain about it, but I know it's a lot for her to have to do.

I'm going to see my surgeon today and get some x-rays. We are going to see if there is enough new bone growth for me to start bearing weight on it. I sure hope there is! I'm ten weeks post-op and while I still am in some pain, I feel much better than I felt before.

My appointment is at 11:45am today so I will be sure to let you know how I fare!

My weigh in was 200.6 today, which is okay, I guess. I still have about 25 more pounds to get to "normal weight," plus with my huge binge at the Chinese buffet, it's really no surprise. I did weigh in at 200 last week too, which kind of makes me mad because it was fun to be in onederland while it lasted, but it's like one freaking pound that I'm talking about and I need to focus on the fact that I lost 105 pounds so far, which is awesome.

I also need to focus more on working out. Being in a wheelchair is no excuse! I've always thought that if you are looking for an excuse, you will find one... Actually, you will find way more than one. Our brains love to be happy and we look for the most-pleasurable things most times. I need to start doing my ten pound weight arm exercises like I was doing for a while. I feel strong when I work out and I need to I'm going to get back in the groove of doing that.

Low carb menu

- Pumpkin bake
- Sloppy joe meat with pork rinds
- Sausage crumbles that were too burnt for the pizza
- A piece of zucchini pizza with sausage, ham, pepperoni, mushrooms with red and green peppers with cheese and natural marinara sauce