I'm not sure why this was such a revelation to me, but a few months ago, I had a thought....
If there was is not a PHYSICAL reason that a person is overweight, then what is it? It's an EMOTIONAL/MENTAL issue!
Now, I know I'm no genius, but it seems like somebody who has been fat over 80% of their life... and has put a lot of thought into it (or maybe denial?), would realize this.
All this time, I figured I was fat because I didn't like to exercise... I loved microwave popcorn and humburger helper in huge quantities... I was fat because I was too poor to afford healthier food... I would deal with it later. When even the 3x women's shirts were getting tight, I knew that I had to make a life change. These were all my excuses.
It seemed like I could not go a day without going on a diet, yet I could never stick to it for more than 1-2 days. It was almost as though some part of me did not believe that I was going to stick to a plan. It's kind of like a parent who grounds a kid for a week, yet never enforces it.
Anyway, another thing I realized was I wasn't fooling anybody about my eating habits. It was obvious to the world that I was a compulsive over-eater. I'm still dealing with years of abusing my body with food. Ultimately, that is what it is.
Something clicked about 10 days into my journey... I began to think of my body as a car and food as fuel. Now, I would certainly not dump windex into my car... So why on earth would I poison my own body... that I have to live in?
Well, I still do want to binge... to get that "sooo filled up" feeling, and I will admit to eating past the point of contentness at times... which does not make sense.
All in all, it's a mental thing... which I'm starting to get in check.... because I thought I was fat years before I really was even fat... which led to me being fat....